The Influence of Women Bosses

I am blessed to have a daughter. She’s fierce and determined, funny and perceptive. She is her own person; and, each day, she is a surprise and a delight.

She is a college student, majoring in a field in which women, especially in leadership positions, are underrepresented. She is in a unique position, in that one of the managers in the organization in which she’s interning, is a woman. I was initially excited for her, that she had this rare opportunity to learn from, maybe even be mentored by, a woman in her field!

That excitement has come to be replaced by discouragement. From story after story, it’s become clear that not only is this woman missing the chance she has to build people up - to invest in her field and to play a special role in the lives of the young women who work there, she’s actively going out of her way to make them feel small. She’s making no effort to create a culture in which the contributions of women are valued, and the result could be for them to want to leave the profession before they even get started.

Here’s what I’d like this woman, and all women who’ve worked hard and have some influence, to know. Whether or not you intend to,every time you don’t say hello, you’re telling that young woman that she is not worth your time. Every time you don’t speak to her, you’re telling her that she doesn’t matter. Every time you don’t ask her about her experience or what she thinks, you’re missing out. You are wrong to assume that she won't have an idea which could benefit you, that she won’t welcome feedback, or that she won’t appreciate the interaction. To think that she won’t somehow enrich your day, is an error in judgment. You are missing opportunities to build expertise in your chosen field, which is all about growth over time and cultivating talent. This is as true behind the scenes as in front of the camera.

Toni Morrison said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” How does your dismissiveness make you feel? It is noticed, you are noticed; and your behavior won’t make your subordinates remember favorably how you made them feel. The result of their disappointment is that you’re definitely not getting their best. This is your loss, though you may never know it.

If you say that you’re busy and just haven’t given this a second thought, I encourage you to reconsider your position, if only for selfish reasons. Do you know how easily things could flip, how suddenly and soon you might be working for a gen-Z? Do you not think that women have long memories? Have you ever met a woman who has a short memory when she’s been slighted or dismissed, made to feel invisible? By making professional relationships with women, you’re banking future good will. You might need that good will someday to get or to keep the job you want. And by seemingly purposefully not making those relationships, you’re doing the opposite.

You don’t have to take just my word; pop culture is riddled with this message. The TV shows, Sex and the City, Ted Lasso, Girls, Killing Eve, The Morning Show, and Parks and Recreation, to name a few, all contain storylines that, at one time or another, speak to this.

You have a chance here. Be deliberately generous. Women can make it a practice to do better with and for each other, simply because it’s the right thing to do. If that’s not compelling enough, do it just because it might serve you someday.